supporting the arts

Happy holidays friends & family!

Most of you know that I am a company member with dog & pony dc, a small non-profit theater company based here in Washington DC. I love working with this talented group of artists as we challenge the traditional theater experience of presenting a show to a passive audience. Instead, we devise our own plays and explore different ways to integrate and involve the audience in our production process. We've had an exciting year which included a run of Beertown off-broadway, the premier of a new show, TOAST, and the beginning stages of development for our next show, Squares. But not only is this an incredible ensemble, it is also a mama-friendly company that allows me to be involved to the extent that I can as a stay-at-home mom. When we toured to Beertown in New York City there was total support of me bringing along my entire family for the ride; dog & pony dc is a model for a family friendly work place and that means a lot to me as an artist and as a mama.

I'm sure you've received a plethora of requests for end-of-the-year charitable giving and no doubt you have your favorite causes you support, but I'm writing to ask you to consider donating a small (or large!) amount to dog & pony dc. Asking others for money is always a bit awkward, but I believe strongly in community support of art. Good art can be transformative and sharing our stories is an important way we connect with each other. 

Next year is another big year for dog & pony dc and we need your help in reaching our fundraising goals. Not only that, but a group of donors has pledged to match any donations up to $10,000! I've committed to raising $1000 for the company and I would be so grateful if you could help me reach that goal. Any amount would be appreciated; simply follow this link to a secure site to donate online. You can also pay through your work's charitable giving program, which is especially nice if they match your donation!

Whether you donate or not, please accept my wishes for a warm and happy holiday. Our Christmas will be especially sweet this year as we just welcomed our fourth child - baby boy Truman - last Thursday morning. It was a home birth (our first) and we have been enjoying our time together as a family of six while we adjust to life with a new baby. 

Hope your holidays are just as sweet and thanks in advance for your support!

twin wisdom

The other day I met a woman during storytime at the museum. She observed my boys for a bit and then confessed that she is pregnant with twins (funny enough, she also has a daughter named Maya!). She asked me if I had any advice for her and at first I said no but on further thought I realized that I do have some ideas and lessons learned that I would've appreciated knowing before Benjamin and Corrigan made their appearance. I hesitate to share lest I come off as knowledgeable and experienced (au contraire!), but if this stuff can prove helpful to anyone else out there then that would make me happy.
Here are some thoughts and things that worked for me:

Pregnancy
Eat a lot. Don't worry about gaining weight. Carrying multiples is so very different from a singleton. And rest. Really. Don't feel guilty and don't think you're wasting your time. If you can sleep or at least put your feet up, do it!
Read as much as you can to prepare for this. Some books I found helpful were:
Having Twins and More: A Parent's Guide to Multiple Pregnancy, Birth and Early Childhood by Elizabeth Noble
When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads; Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy by Barbara Luke
Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding and Caring for Twins or More by Karen Kerkhoff Gromada


Birth
Everyone says that you need to flexible and open when it comes to your birthing experience because things rarely go the way you want them to. And while I believe that is true, I also think there are definitely things you can do to prepare yourself. Some people find birthing classes to be helpful, others hire a doula to support them through the process. I think sometimes it can be helpful to hear other women's birth stories to give you an idea of what it could be like.

My story: I was determined to take my babies full term and have them naturally and vaginally, but it seemed that wouldn't be possible; I had some bleeding in my second trimester and was diagnosed with placenta previa. I had birthed my fist child, my daughter, with a midwife in a birth center and was already disappointed that with the twins I was being pushed into a hospital birth with an OB, so the news that I would also need to have a C-section was a bit crushing. Because we all have this ideal that we're striving for and though we try to be flexible it can still be a tremendous let-down if things don't go the way we want, right?
But you know what? In the end I didn't need that C-section.
On my doula's recommendation I had a few acupuncture visits in an attempt to move my placenta and it may have actually worked. Though I went into labor at 35 weeks (I had been hoping I could make it to 40!) I was able to birth my boys naturally and vaginally, just like I wanted. After my water broke and I arrived at the hospital, an ultrasound technician was called in to analyze the location of my placenta and determine whether or not it had moved enough and whether a c-section was truly necessary. The doctors and technicians all stepped outside the room to discuss my fate and while they were out there my body just slipped into high gear. I got slammed with super-hard contractions and the urge to push. By the time the pros slipped back into the room to announce they were sending me down to the OR I was already crowning. The midwife and doula had me covered, though. Out came Benjamin, followed 6 minutes later by double footling breech Corrigan. All natural, right out the wazoo. Zero problems with my placenta. It was one of the most amazing and miraculous things I have ever done in my life.
If I had ended up having a C-section it certainly wouldn't have been the end of the world. I was prepared to do it, really, I was. But I'm happy that I was able to avoid it. I know not everyone's birth experience can be the way they want it to be and I don't share my story to say that there is no place for C-sections or that I had my ideal birth. But I have a lot of respect for the human mind and body. I think my meditation practice and the acupuncture were key in helping me to have the kind of birth I wanted. But who knows? Those things may have had nothing to do with it and it may have been dumb luck. I'm glad things happened the way they did, but I'm even more grateful that those boys arrived safely and in good health.

Gear
My Brest Friend Twins Deluxe Nursing pillow

This nursing pillow came in really handy for the first three months. I don't know how else you could support both babies and tandem nurse. I highly recommend this - it is large and cumbersome and I didn't use it after three months, but nursing just one at a time with a regular pillow or Boppy would mean you are nursing constantly, so this is super helpful.

TwinGo baby carrier

I'm a huge advocate of babywearing and I was thrilled when I discovered that a local mom had created this brilliantly-designed twin carrier. It is very similar to an Ergo but with a front panel in addition to the back. I carry the boys in this all the time. It is how I get them from the house to the car (I live in the city and need to park on the street and sometimes it is a bit of a trek to get there), how I get them to calm down, how I get anything done around the house while they're fussy... it has been a godsend to me.

Double baby stroller

I wanted a sturdy, good quality side-by-side stroller, but nice, new ones are so pricey, so I resorted to getting a used Valco off of Craig's List. It is sturdy, comparable in value to a Bob's stroller and we have gotten quite a bit of use out of it - it has proven effective over bumpy city sidewalks as well as off-roading. Truthfully, if I had to do it all over I probably would've opted for a Bob's because there are a few design elements of the Valco that irk me (the under carriage basket is extremely hard to access and the buckle closures get caught when folding up the stroller and break). I have never tried the front and back stroller (like a Phil&Ted's or City Mini) with the twins. While it may be easier to navigate through doorways, I like the idea of the boys being side-by-side.

Surviving
I get a lot of Oh, you have your hands full
or That's double trouble right there
or Two for the price of one!
When you have twins you get used to a certain amount of celebrity-ism. It's mostly cute and benign.
And everyone who is a twin or has twins or knows a twin let's me know about it.
There are a lot of twins out there these days!
But I am partial to these ones:

Having twins is really fun. Except for when it's not. Like when they're both screaming and crying and you can only comfort one at a time, or when one sets the other one off, or when they take off in opposite directions or when they both have blowouts at the same time (you might be surprised by how often this actually happens) or when you are in a public restroom and you don't know where to put them or when you're flying on an airplane or managing them both when you're in a restaurant...  oh my, there are lots of tough times.
But there are good times. Mine usually sleep at the same time, which is a truly sweet sight:

Sometimes people shake their heads a say I don't know how you do it but the thing is, you just do. It isn't ever easy. Ever. But it is so cool. Having two at once is a joyful, wondrous thing. 

Some people say that the first two years are the most challenging and then they start to entertain and play with each other and in some ways it becomes easier. I'm not necessarily counting on it, but I am hopeful!

That's it, I guess. It's not much, but those are some of my thoughts. Let me know if you have any other pieces of advice to add!

adoration

Can it be three months already? Three months since these wee ones came into this world?

Oh, the little fireworks that explode in my heart when they smile and gaze adoringly at their mama. Their coos and gurgles are endless entertainment. And how I love it when they're fingers curl around mine or they grasp onto my shirt while we nurse. Their subdued pleasure in the bath, the sound of their gulping when they drink... all these little moments that fill up my days.

Oh yes, there is also the fussing, the frequent feeding, the need to be held constantly, the difficulty in taking them both out to run errands. Two is definitely double trouble.

But I'll try to focus on the double pleasure for now. Oh little Benjamin and Corrigan, how I adore you.

Babies don't keep

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done

and there's nothing for stew

And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo

Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

two weeks already

Two weeks ago I thwarted the evil plan for a C-section and naturally delivered my babies without any complications (Benjamin and Corrigan had their own ideas about how they wanted to arrive in this world: fast and furious!).

But that was two weeks ago. I can hardly believe two weeks have passed by. Their birth seems both ages ago and only yesterday. The time has passed in a blur of diapers, laundry, breastfeeding, swaddling, shushing, and greeting so many wonderful friends who've stopped by with gifts, well-wishes and nourishing dinners. But most delightful, there has been non-stop cuddling with these two new fascinating creatures. Oh my, we are all in love...

{this moment}... updated!

A Friday ritual (inspired by Soulemama). 

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

autumnal

I wish I could capture the crisp air and let it blow around you as you read this post. Autumn is here at last and we have been enjoying the cool nights that allow us to cuddle under a blanket, and the refreshing morning breeze that blows in through open windows (no need for AC 24/7!). Our morning following the autumn equinox was slow and relaxing. We're hoping for more of these in the following months. The tea kettle is back on the stove, hot oatmeal is appetizing once again, and our eyes are looking for the tell-tale signs of foliage changing to those pretty rusty colors. 

Beyond weather, we have been preparing for other changes around here. Little boy clothes are accumulating in a dresser drawer. Two new carseats, still in their boxes, are taking up storage space in the laundry room. Furniture is moved around, trying to find the best configuration for playing, sleeping, nursing... Discussion is centered around how we can help our beloved little girl (though oh my she is growing so quickly!) make the transition from only child to big sister. We circle dates on the calendar, trying to time paternity leave dates with dates when grandmothers and aunties and friends will come down to lend a hand, all while trying to maintain the sanctity of the little family unit we are so protective of.

Many changes coming soon. But it is the right time.

Hope you, too, have been enjoying the transition of the seasons.

The Birth Survey

Shortly after discovering I was pregnant with my first child, I decided I wanted an unmedicated birth. I had hoped to use a midwife for my prenatal care, but that was not an option covered by my insurance, so I started asking around for doctors. But in this land of scheduled inductions and through-the-roof C-sections, I was hard-pressed to find a doctor who really supported my birth goals.


That's when a resource like The Birth Survey would have been invaluable. 

The Birth Survey is part of the Transparency in Maternity Care project run by Coalition for Improving Maternity Services, a volunteer group dedicated to ensuring public access to quality-of-care information specifically related to maternity care providers and institutions. The survey is intended to extend transparency in health care into the maternity-care arena by providing information that will help women make fully informed maternity-care decisions.


The survey asks women who have given birth in the past three years to provide feedback about their birth experience with a particular doctor or midwife and within a specific birth environment. Responses are then made available online to other women in their community who are deciding where and with whom to birth. Paired with this experiential data is official statistics from state departments of health listing obstetrical intervention rates at the facility level.


The survey is a little lengthy--it took me nearly 40 minutes to complete--but I felt like it was my duty to fill it out if it helps other women out there.

If you'd like to participate, take the survey. You can also check out survey results or intervention rates in your area.

VBACs are back

Somehow I missed the news that back in July, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued new guidelines on vaginal birth after cesarean sections, or VBAC. According to ACOG:


"Attempting a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is a safe and appropriate choice for most women who have had a prior cesarean delivery, including for some women who have had two previous cesareans."


This is great news. Why? Many doctors have long used fear of uterine rupture and other serious complications to sway mothers into electing for C-sections a second (or more) time(s). But ACOG admits uterine rupture happens in only about one-half of one-percent of VBACs. 


It's also great news because vaginal births are better for mom, as outlined by ACOG:


"A VBAC avoids major abdominal surgery, lowers a woman's risk of hemorrhage and infection, and shortens postpartum recovery. It may also help women avoid the possible future risks of having multiple cesareans such as hysterectomy, bowel and bladder injury, transfusion, infection, and abnormal placenta conditions (placenta previa and placenta accreta)."


Vaginal births are also good for baby, as they allow immediate bonding and breastfeeding time with mother. 


So if you've had a C-section and are considering a VBAC, know that they are officially safe and be sure to find a birthing professional who will support you in achieving your goals. 

Birth Plan

By MamaM

Technically, I'm not really a wabisabi mama--yet. I'm due to have my first child in less than a week. As a first-time mom, I've done a lot of research on the pregnancy, labor and delivery processes and have committed to having my daughter naturally, meaning vaginally and without medication. My studying has led me to the conclusion that these kinds of births create the most beneficial outcomes for mother and baby.

Nearly one out of every three women in this country have a C-section--the highest rate in the world. While some women actually choose elective cesareans, it is a goal of mine is to avoid this major surgery. This is one reason for an unmedicated birth.

Studies show that one intervention often leads to another. A common example would go like this: a woman (or doctor) wants to speed up labor, so she is given Pitocin. Pitocin helps the contractions come, but much faster and more intense than normal, leaving the woman in extreme pain and cutting off precious oxygen supply to the baby. To help deal with the pain, the woman is given an epidural, which forces her to have an IV, be confined to a bed and lose much, if not all, the feeling in her lower body. All of these factors may actually slow labor, resulting in a "failure to progress" diagnosis, which could result in a C-section.

As a disclaimer, I have nothing against women who use medication or surgery to have babies; any birth that results in a healthy mother and healthy baby is something to be celebrated. But I have chosen a very specific route for my labor and delivery, and I'm really hoping I am strong enough to stick with it.

To help me articulate my own goals and help my doctors and hospital staff understand my goals, I have put together a birth plan. I think a birth plan is a great idea for all women, no matter what their goals may be. There's not necessarily a template or right way to write a birth plan, but I'm sharing mine below as a sample for anyone who may be interested.

Birth Plan

We are looking forward to the birth of our first child at [X] Hospital in January. We are happy about the things we have seen and heard about hospital facilities and staff. Our goal is to have a natural, unmedicated birth using Bradley method (husband-coached natural childbirth) and are pleased by the support we’ve received in this decision from our selected OB-GYN practice. We understand that complications may arise that could affect this goal; however, to the extent possible, we request the cooperation of those medical professionals involved in our birthing process to honor the following:

1)      In attendance: We plan to have present at this birth the father, who will serve as a husband-coach, the mother of the mother, and up to two of the mother’s sisters.

2)      Environment: The birth environment is important to us. We ask that unnecessary noise be avoided, unnecessary staff be turned away and the door be closed for privacy.

3)      No medication: We are seeking to have a drug-free, non-induced birth, with the exception of an antibiotic IV used to treat GBS+. The IV should be used only to administer the proper dose of antibiotics and removed as soon as the dose is administered. We will not be using other interventions, such as narcotics, pitocin, epidurals or manually breaking the bag of waters.

4)      Energy: The mother requests that in place of an ongoing IV, she be allowed to drink fluids and eat snacks as needed.

5)      Pain management: We have prepared extensively for managing pain, including taking 24 classroom hours on Bradley method, practicing relaxation techniques, stretching, exercising, and extensive reading and research. We request that various non-medicinal methods be employed to aid in pain management, comfort and progression of labor, including: laboring in the bathtub, walking, trying different positions, not being confined to a bed and not being restricted by continuous fetal heart monitoring or an IV. Please do not offer chemical pain relief.

6)      Labor: During labor, the mother would like the ability to walk freely, use the shower and labor tub, change positions, avoid an IV and avoid an excess of vaginal exams. If inducing labor becomes necessary, pitocin is a last resort. Instead, the mother prefers to try other methods to progress labor, including walking, nipple stimulation and changing positions. Tools such as forceps and vacuum are to be avoided.

7)      Pushing: The mother plans to use the squatting or semi-squatting position for pushing. The mother would like to push at her own pace. An episiotomy is to be avoided. Natural tearing or perineal massage is preferable to an episiotomy.

8)      Bonding with baby: Immediately after our daughter is born, we request that she be put directly in the arms of the mother for skin-to-skin bonding, warming and nursing.

9)      Umbilical cord: We request that the umbilical cord remain attached to baby until it has ceased pulsing. The father does not want to cut the cord, so please do not pressure him to do so.

10)  Tests: We would like tests done to the baby while placed on the mother’s chest. If there is any testing or measurement that requires the baby off of the chest, it should be delayed at least 30 minutes after the delivery or until a first breastfeeding has been completed. We would like the baby to “room in” as much as possible. If testing requires the baby to leave the room, we request that one of the parents accompanies the baby at all times.  

11)  Vaccines: The parents choose to delay the hepatitis B shot until the two-month check-up with the pediatrician.

12)  Informed consent: In the event that the doctor or hospital staff believes intervention is necessary, they must discuss both the pros and cons with both parents and give us the opportunity to explicitly accept or refuse any procedure. In the case that intervention becomes necessary, we request that the least invasive or least restricting versions of procedures be used.

13)  C-section: The parents would like to avoid a C-section at all costs; however, in the event that a C-section is performed, the father should be present at all times during the operation, and the mother should be conscious and left with mobility in at least one arm in order to hold the baby immediately after extraction.

We thank you for taking the time to understand our birth goals and help us achieve a natural, unmedicated birth for our daughter.