I'm conflicted.
That should be the theme of my life these days. As a new stay-at-home mother, things have obviously changed in my life from when I was working full-time and it was just me and the hubby. In some ways, I have more time and in other ways, less.
When MamaQ and MamaM talked with me about starting this blog, I was all for it. It sounded fabulous - a forum for my thoughts. But after I while, I realized - does anyone really care what I have to say? Who am I and why should anyone waste their time listening to my "musings" [read: ramblings]? As much as I like to think that I'm brilliant and ingenious, I'm pretty average. And I'm okay with that - this isn't a self-esteem issue.
But I'm conflicted. 'Cause I really struggled (and still continue to struggle) in this new role as mother. One of my greatest struggles is feeling fulfilled and satisfied in my new role. Not that my previous job was all that fulfilling. But it covered some important aspects for me - make money, have social interaction, help society, work out pretty darn consistently at the gym during my lunch hour... Now I clean my house...all day long it seems and it still seems messy. I obviously take care of my baby but that doesn't require 100% of my attention all day. So the other thing I do is spend time on the computer...an inordinate amount of time. And at the end of the day, I ask myself, what the heck did you do with your day?
It's funny because when I first started to stay at home, I read an article about how stay-at-home mothers get addicted to the computer and the internet. It is especially easy with our laptops and mobile devices like iPhone and Blackberry to be plugged in all the time to facebook, twitter, chat rooms, forums, and blogs.
Blogs - that is my big weakness. First it was just following personal blogs of family and friends. Then it grew to people from church, some closer than others but I was so curious. Then I started to click on the links of blogs that other friends and family followed like second degree friends and family. Then I started on frugality blogs. Then craft blogs. Then repurposing blogs and environmentally friendly blogs. I even started looking at yoga blogs. And I tell you, there is a lot of good stuff out there. A lot of really brilliant, insightful people who have good stuff to say. Lots of great deals and lots of great crafts. But I realized, I was spending all my time looking at blogs on-line and not actually going out to get the deals or do the crafts or making my own laundry detergent. I wasn't even posting to my own personal blog with as much frequency as I wanted. And more importantly, not interacting as much with my daughter, my husband, my family, and friends in a meaningful way.
So why in the world would I agree to contribute to this blog (although I know, it's been a pretty meager contribution thus far) when I feel so conflicted about how time is wasted on the internet? I figure it doesn't hurt to try cause you never know how something might satisfy some need in your life until you try it. I think I truly hope that we can provide something meaningful to those who read us...something educational or motivating or inspirational. So if our content this far has been completely unappealing, then I think we in no way deserve your time. But it takes our time to post it do hopefully, it will be worth it. When things are really important, you learn to prioritize it and cut out the rest of the crap.
I still follow some frugality blogs (my big weakness) and sometimes I score pretty awesome deals. I am getting better at filtering though. I cut out a lot of the craft blogs because I realized, I don't craft. Someday I will. I try to set limits although I often get sidetracked and sometimes it's with facebook where I waste away hours of my day checking out all 257 pictures of that new "friend" from high school on her profile.
I have a lot to say and sometimes, I'll probably be the pontificating windbag of the trio because I certainly don't take very good (or many) pictures (although I'm working on that!). I hope that I can always be honest and genuine and provide something good to chew on and not waste your precious time.
So anyway, here's the take home message. Step away from the computer if you can admit you're addicted and even if you're not, and go do something. I think about all the things I want to do and I hope I can check a few off my list. Some are more specific than others so will be easier to do. But you know, I just want try 'em out. I'll probably completely fail at some or won't like it after I've tried it but at least I will know!
Bake my own bread (not the quick bread but the yeast bread!)
Take pictures of my daughter
Cook awesome meals
Go rockclimbing
Make my own pasta
Learn to sew (anything!)
Bottle fresh peaches, jam, and salsa
Decorate my house
What do you want to do?
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