The Anti-Princess Diaries

Back in February I posted the commentary below on my private family blog after a playgroup where Mayumi was playing with a plastic Disney crown.  I was reminded of it when I came across the blog Disney Princess Recovery: Bringing Sexy Back for a Full Refund.  The blog is written by Mary Finucane, a psychotherapist with training in play therapy and mother of a little girl in Rochester, New York.  Her observations are lucid and eye-opening and they struck a chord with me.  I'd love to start a dialogue about this, so check out her blog, read my post below, and let me know what you think.

Princess Maya - charming I know, but I was a bit chagrined when Maya discovered the crown and insisted on wearing it. I made the comment that I didn't want any "princesses" in our home. Bruce (the only Dad in attendance - isn't he great?!) told me that Holly (his wife) had felt similarly but alas! I needed to embrace it because it was inevitable. A bit mortified, I announced I wanted a proletariat household!

Someone asked what I had against princesses and I defended my stance: I feel like there is a certain "princess" mentality that implies a bratty, spoilt, good-looks-and-expensive-jewelry-are-the-most-important-asset sort of mindset. The kind of idea that you can "rule" over other people and that you are entitled to pedestals and special treatment. And I am NOT okay with that. I have to raise a daughter in a society where women are highly sexualized and little girls wear pants with "princess" printed across the butt (or worse yet, "juicy!"). Where people go into debt to buy expensive cars, jewelry and handbags. Where every woman on TV has a 20-inch waist, has had plastic surgery, wears fake nails and is practically naked. The last thing I want to do is re-enforce the prevailing belief that a princess is someone who wears pretty dresses and tiaras and is better than every one around her because she is so beautiful. (For another point of view on this topic click here and here).

Now, I love princesses as much as the next person - I really do! Princesses played a big part of my imaginary world as a child (especially those kick-butt girls like Princess Leia). I'm all about enjoying the beautiful things in life, too. I want Maya to appreciate beautiful things and have an active imaginary life, but please don't fault me for encouraging her to pursue other "careers" like an artist, a scientist, a teacher, a healer, a philanthropist, an entrepreneur, a stateswoman, a civil servant, an explorer... I hope she develops qualities like intelligence, a sense of humor, determination, curiosity, a hard work ethic, kindness, generosity and true leadership. You can argue that a "true" princess would have all those qualities, but when I see t-shirts that pronounce:

I have a hard time believing that being a princess is about more than wearing a tiara.

I'm also a bit miffed that Disney has usurped the "princess" title and left little room for any other interpretations, but that's another story.

If Maya really wants to be a princess, that is fine. But in our house princesses pick up their own toys, wear blue jeans, and get dirt under their nails like the rest of us.

Just to be clear, though, I still respect you if you've got plastic crowns and pink gauzy gowns in your toybox. I don't mean to be critical of moms who love their princess babies. (There's no questions that my baby is also the center of our world.) I'll just assume you're encouraging your daughters to be the humble-but-sassy, hard-working, kick-butt, princess neurosurgeon-type. And that's cool, too.