four shots

Last Saturday Maya had her five year check-up with the doctor (a few months late, I know, but that's how things roll around here). She needed four immunization/booster shots to be caught up for where she needs to be to start school in the fall. FOUR! (If, indeed, we do enroll her in school because I'm still pretty gung-ho about homeschooling her or doing some sort of hybrid thingy, but how can I compete with a Mandarin immersion program and a really cool playground?)

Anyhow, at the doctor's she needed four shots. She was so scared, of course, but she handled it like a champ. Afterwards she and PapaQ got a treat to celebrate her bravery (hot chocolate!). She came home and proudly showed me her four bandaids on her poor little arm as if they were war wounds. Because they kind of are, right?

Oh my goodness... I simply cannot believe how much she has grown in the past year. It has been staggering. It seems that our chubby little toddler is all-of-a-sudden a big girl, all long-limbed and loose-toothed. And oh, the things she says! Why don't I write them down the second they're out of her mouth so I don't forget? A huge part of me mourns the little girl that she is not anymore. A part of me wants to freeze time so she'll stay like this forever and stop growing up (and eventually away?). But the other part of me adores watching her grow and learn and become even more amazing than the day before.

Oh, my sweet daughter, the days go by so quickly and sometimes at night I watch you sleeping and I wonder if I did enough to today to make you feel loved and treasured. Did I remind you what a miracle your arrival was? Did I hug you enough and breathe in your shampoo/outdoor/sweaty hair smell? Did I memorize the different contours of your face? Did I read to you enough? Did I laugh loud enough at your jokes? Did we play enough games and color enough pictures together? Did I pay enough attention to you even though it seems so much of my focus is on your brothers these days? Did I tell you that I love you? Because I do. So fiercely, my sweet love, my five year-old daughter, my Mayumi bear. So, so much!

adoration

Can it be three months already? Three months since these wee ones came into this world?

Oh, the little fireworks that explode in my heart when they smile and gaze adoringly at their mama. Their coos and gurgles are endless entertainment. And how I love it when they're fingers curl around mine or they grasp onto my shirt while we nurse. Their subdued pleasure in the bath, the sound of their gulping when they drink... all these little moments that fill up my days.

Oh yes, there is also the fussing, the frequent feeding, the need to be held constantly, the difficulty in taking them both out to run errands. Two is definitely double trouble.

But I'll try to focus on the double pleasure for now. Oh little Benjamin and Corrigan, how I adore you.

Babies don't keep

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done

and there's nothing for stew

And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo

Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

breastfeeding twins

Yup. I do it at the same time. Some people call me Supermom. I just call it the only way to stay sane and get some sleep...

La Leche League International has some great articles and resources, just in case you're interested.

more little moments

Despite bleary eyes, mounds and mounds (and mounds!) of laundry, dirty diapers, midnight tandem feedings and lots of soreness in all sorts of places... there are just too many moments of gratitude that take my breath away.

twin paraphernalia

I don't have any strong opinions (I know... GASP!) about twins wearing match-matchy clothes or having dual sets of anything. Obviously, there are some things we will need two of: carseats are first to come to mind, as well as high chairs (we love the Stokke Tripp Trapp and just inherited a second one from friends Naomi and Josh! Thanks guys!). I have a good friends with identical twin girls and she insists that there be two of everything for her girls to reduce confusion and arguing. The girls have identical toys and wear identical clothing and I can completely understand how that is easier.
When people find out I'm having twins, one of the first things they ask (after appropriately gushing about how cool it is that I'm having twins and then inquiring whether or not they are identical or fraternal) is whether or not I'm going to dress them in matching outfits. I'm always a bit surprised by this, because frankly I don't really care if they dress alike. I'm more concerned about how I'm going to soothe and feed two crying babies at once and how we're going to afford college for three kids and if it is possible to practice Elimination Communication with twins and if I'll be able to handle homeschooling... oh my, there is so much to worry about, isn't there?
But when it comes to dressing them, I'll just be happy to have clean clothes that fit.
Not there aren't some cute (sometimes bordering on obnoxious) stuff for twins out there:

Source: etsy.com via Helene on Pinterest

Source: fab.com via Emily on Pinterest

Source: pinterest.com via Denise on Pinterest

my absolute favorite!!!

Goodness, companies sure know how to market to us mamas, don't they? Since our boys are fraternal it will be interesting to see how much they actually look alike. Will we end up with blonde, blue-eyed recessive babies (like Mayumi) or will they be darker? Will they be alike or like opposites? I suppose that somehow their clothes and toys will reflect that at some point. For now, I enjoy being amused by the stuff that is out there.
But for reals - do you have any opinions or suggestions about dressing and providing for twins? Matchy-matchy? Two sets of everything?

growing up

A while back Mayumi and I were browsing around the thrift store when we came upon some little lady black Mary Janes with a tiny bit of a heel. She was thrilled and begged to have them and since they were in excellent condition and only $4 I agreed. Later that evening, after she showed them off for her daddy, PapaQ let me know that he didn't approve at all - he thought that not only were they inappropriate for developing feet and bones, but they were too grown-up. I realized that I agreed and we watched, chagrined, as she pranced around in them, admiring her legs and relishing the the satisfying clippity-cloppety sound they make on the hard wood. 

A few weeks later she received another pair of heels, this time gold-strapped with plasticky-glass bobbles. Nana had recently painted Mayumi's toenails (another thing that is generally not allowed around here) and the combination of scarlet red toes and flashy strappy sandals remind me of something Granny would wear on a special night out. Grown-up indeed.

Ultimately, it is probably not a big deal that we indulged her despite the dangers. But parenting is made up of countless tiny decisions that cumulatively add up to where we stand morally, intellectually, and spiritually and kids pick up on the discrepancies and hypocrisies, don't they?
Why does Mama get to wear heels (though I hardly ever do because they are too uncomfortable!)?
Why does Daddy get to eat two cookies when I only had one?
Why could I have a treat yesterday but not today?
Why can I get away with whining and complaining sometimes but not all the time?

It is so hard to be consistent and fair and wise. It is hard being a parent! Mistakes are inevitable! Sometimes I find myself at a loss. Sometimes Mayumi argues me into a corner and I find I have no explanation. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is give in...

More than anything, I see that Mayumi isn't the only one with some growing up to do around here.

happy love day!

Hope your day was full of passion, friendship, fondness, affection, and of course, AMOUR. Happy Valentine's Day, friends.

a poetic day

There was something brilliant and rather poetic about our outing the other day. It was unplanned. We had finished some chores in the house and I realized Mayumi could really use some focused Mama time. Some time where she could be in control and make the decisions. So I asked her what she wanted to do and she announced that she wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History.

So we did.

We took our time - for once we didn't have to rush in order to meet friends. It was just the two of us and we had no real agenda...

Everything is so much more beautiful when you take the time to really see it. We noticed things we'd never noticed before, despite having been here so many times.

And since it was a Monday afternoon, it wasn't very busy. We practically had the place to ourselves. Maya led the way through the great halls and exhibits. 

And when she had asked all her questions and had her fill, we headed back. And when she requested that we stop and ride the carousel, we did.

Her smile was the most beautiful and poetic part of the day.

A reason to come back...

A few recent articles outline the positive impact blogging has for new moms. One, from BYU News talks about the "golden variable" of social support that blogging provides. The same study is cited in this New York Times article claiming that blogging actually makes new moms happier.

Perhaps this is a reason to return to the world of public blogging... we've missed you and this little community!

Taking a Break

While this post is listed under Q's name, it is from all three of us to let you know that the Wabisabi sisters are going to take a break from blogging.

A year and a half ago we sisters started Wabisabi Mama as a fun project we could work on together that would give us the opportunity to share our thoughts and experiences as young mothers. We've loved having this space and the friends that we've made.

But recently we've been feeling over-burdened. Q has returned to work (exciting theater project with Dog & Pony DC) and undergone IVF (unsuccessful this last time round, so it's back to the drawing board); M is trying to balance career, fitness and family; and D is in the midst of some extensive home renovations, leaving all of us with a desire to simplify and streamline our lives.

We've been questioning why we blog on Wabisabi Mama. While we've certainly relished having this public forum to write a little more philosophically about parenting and life, to explore the beautiful and creative aspects of motherhood, and to chronicle our attempts at living a Wabisabi life, if we were to be completely honest, there has also been a drive to put our best feet forward and pat ourselves on the back for being good, mindful mamas and trying to gain some recognition from the community at large. And that is not good enough motivation to do something this time-consuming, is it? All the time we devote to writing and maintaining this blog isn't really serving us right now.

As all three of us sisters are working to grow our families, balance work and parenthood, and be truly present in our children's lives, we've all found it difficult at times to work on our blog. What began as a project that the three of us could work on together started to feel more like another obligation -- one that is mostly pleasurable but sometimes feels like a chore.

A few weeks ago, Q came across this post on Progressive Pioneer that really struck a chord with her. She found herself envying Amy's courage to stop doing something that was so successful and that she found so much pleasure in (blogging) because it was ultimately interfering with her work as a mama. After Q discussed it with us, we all found we were sharing similar feelings.

So... we're going to go on a little hiatus.

It's hard to take a break from something that we've put our heart and soul into. We've made some wonderful friends through our work here. We hope to be able to maintain those connections. But for right now, it is time to step away and focus on some other things. I'm not sure if this means we'll be back here occasionally, or if this is the end. We'll have to take it slowly and see how it goes.

Thanks to those of you who have supported us on this journey. Please stay in touch!

Love,
Mamas M, Q and D

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Meditation: Grappling...

I was living, but I was not living my life. So far as I could see, I was going nowhere... Without a loved life to live, I was becoming more and more a theoretical person, as if I might have been a figment of institutional self-justification: a theoretical ignorant person from the sticks, who one day would go to a theoretical somewhere and make a theoretical something of himself - the implication being that until he became that something he would be nothing... ...I had completely lost that feeling that I should make something of myself. Aunt Cordie's voice troubled my mind, but it told me I didn't look down on my humble origins and didn't yearn to rise above them. .. I began a motion of the heart toward my origins. Far from rising above them, I was longing to sink into them until I would know the fundamental things.

~ from Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry, Chapter 7

I suppose there is something about that sentiment (to return to one's humble origins) that challenges our (American?) notions of success and achievement. We should work hard, live productive lives, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and make "something" of ourselves, right? But what does that really mean?

I find myself constantly re-examining my own life to confirm that I am, indeed, living and striving for the "fundamental things" that are really important and bring true happiness. I know I'll never have fame and recognition in the eyes of the world, but for a long time that is definitely something I wanted, and there is a very real (and selfish?) part of me that is sad about not having that. At the same time I have a lot of peace about certain decisions I've made (to be a stay-at-home Mom and put my acting career on the back burner) and the focus I want in my life. I'm trying to internalize the idea that we are all God's children with inherant worth, regardless of the awards and recognition we've amassed or the achievements we can list on our resumes.

Afterall, that is the crux of living a Wabi Sabi life - taking the time to truly live in the moment, to recognize and enjoy simple pleasures for what they are, to detach from ideas of status and just BE, and to love and appreciate the people around you.

Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.

~Thomas Merton

Lovin' being a mama

photo credit to Sanae James

Confessions

I just read a blog post that mentioned how most "mommy" blogs tend to focus on the positive, happy moments instead of the challenging, disheartening days. I'm one of these bloggers--not because I'm trying to create a facade about how perfect my life is, but because I feel that it can be destructive to focus on the negative. It's the happy moments I want to remember.

That said, there are many, many things in my life that aren't picture perfect or that perhaps aren't what your typical mommy blogger might write. So, in an attempt to air some of my dirty, or just wrinkled, laundry, here are some of my confessions:

• I used to clean my bathrooms every two weeks. Now I'm lucky if they get cleaned monthly.
• I'm bad at getting my child to eat vegetables and remembering to brush her teeth.
• I have let my daughter "cry it out" more than once. And it's worked.
• I like the escape from motherhood that my part-time job provides me. 
• Sometimes I purposely wake my husband up when I'm getting back in bed after a late-night/early-morning bout with the wee one so he can know I was up and feel a bit of my pain.
•  I eat a lot of junk food.

There. 

Just a few of my little secrets. Now I want to know--what are yours??

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Don't forget to enter our June giveaway for a gorgeous art print from Pinceau-Magique. Leave a comment on the post by June 8!

A Girl After My Own Heart

While in Utah visiting the sisters I stopped by a local yarn store and found some lovely, soft wool to work on my little Totoro bonnet. It had the requisite colorful yarn wall with lots of juicy choices, but it wasn't one of those trendy new stores that have popped up in the past few years with the nouveau knitting craze. It is an institution that has been around for decades with lots of old-school granny crafts on display. I loved it.

I spent part of Sunday afternoon trying to figure out a figure-8 cast on, as the pattern demands. Lots of unraveling and frustrated sighs on my part, but I think I finally got it.

Mayumi was romping around the playground while I enjoyed the blissful spring weather when she plopped down beside me and insisted that she wanted to knit, too.

At three and a half she doesn't quite have the motor skills or patience to get very far, but my heart soared at her interest and effort. Mommy/Daughter projects could be just around the corner! Woohoo!

In Honor of Mamas...

I'm often awed by what it takes to be a good mama. The constant sacrifice, focus, creativity and work that is required is both exhausting and exhilarating! There are so many women I admire, but the one that is always foremost in my thoughts and ideals is my own dear mama. No singular, spectacular deed comes to mind, but a million "little" things that she did to nurture, strengthen, support and teach us. Like Mother Teresa said, "Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love." And the amazing thing is that there are mamas all over the world doing those same things for their families, garnering that same love and adoration from their children.  I'm striving everyday to be worthy of the ranks of mamahood - I'm eternally grateful that I have the privilege.

Happy Mother's Day to all you lovely mamas (and ladies who "mother" in your own way) out there - and especially to my own Wabisabi Mama. Thanks for all you do to make this world a better place!