supporting the arts

Happy holidays friends & family!

Most of you know that I am a company member with dog & pony dc, a small non-profit theater company based here in Washington DC. I love working with this talented group of artists as we challenge the traditional theater experience of presenting a show to a passive audience. Instead, we devise our own plays and explore different ways to integrate and involve the audience in our production process. We've had an exciting year which included a run of Beertown off-broadway, the premier of a new show, TOAST, and the beginning stages of development for our next show, Squares. But not only is this an incredible ensemble, it is also a mama-friendly company that allows me to be involved to the extent that I can as a stay-at-home mom. When we toured to Beertown in New York City there was total support of me bringing along my entire family for the ride; dog & pony dc is a model for a family friendly work place and that means a lot to me as an artist and as a mama.

I'm sure you've received a plethora of requests for end-of-the-year charitable giving and no doubt you have your favorite causes you support, but I'm writing to ask you to consider donating a small (or large!) amount to dog & pony dc. Asking others for money is always a bit awkward, but I believe strongly in community support of art. Good art can be transformative and sharing our stories is an important way we connect with each other. 

Next year is another big year for dog & pony dc and we need your help in reaching our fundraising goals. Not only that, but a group of donors has pledged to match any donations up to $10,000! I've committed to raising $1000 for the company and I would be so grateful if you could help me reach that goal. Any amount would be appreciated; simply follow this link to a secure site to donate online. You can also pay through your work's charitable giving program, which is especially nice if they match your donation!

Whether you donate or not, please accept my wishes for a warm and happy holiday. Our Christmas will be especially sweet this year as we just welcomed our fourth child - baby boy Truman - last Thursday morning. It was a home birth (our first) and we have been enjoying our time together as a family of six while we adjust to life with a new baby. 

Hope your holidays are just as sweet and thanks in advance for your support!

four shots

Last Saturday Maya had her five year check-up with the doctor (a few months late, I know, but that's how things roll around here). She needed four immunization/booster shots to be caught up for where she needs to be to start school in the fall. FOUR! (If, indeed, we do enroll her in school because I'm still pretty gung-ho about homeschooling her or doing some sort of hybrid thingy, but how can I compete with a Mandarin immersion program and a really cool playground?)

Anyhow, at the doctor's she needed four shots. She was so scared, of course, but she handled it like a champ. Afterwards she and PapaQ got a treat to celebrate her bravery (hot chocolate!). She came home and proudly showed me her four bandaids on her poor little arm as if they were war wounds. Because they kind of are, right?

Oh my goodness... I simply cannot believe how much she has grown in the past year. It has been staggering. It seems that our chubby little toddler is all-of-a-sudden a big girl, all long-limbed and loose-toothed. And oh, the things she says! Why don't I write them down the second they're out of her mouth so I don't forget? A huge part of me mourns the little girl that she is not anymore. A part of me wants to freeze time so she'll stay like this forever and stop growing up (and eventually away?). But the other part of me adores watching her grow and learn and become even more amazing than the day before.

Oh, my sweet daughter, the days go by so quickly and sometimes at night I watch you sleeping and I wonder if I did enough to today to make you feel loved and treasured. Did I remind you what a miracle your arrival was? Did I hug you enough and breathe in your shampoo/outdoor/sweaty hair smell? Did I memorize the different contours of your face? Did I read to you enough? Did I laugh loud enough at your jokes? Did we play enough games and color enough pictures together? Did I pay enough attention to you even though it seems so much of my focus is on your brothers these days? Did I tell you that I love you? Because I do. So fiercely, my sweet love, my five year-old daughter, my Mayumi bear. So, so much!

littles

 My mum has been here the past four weeks or so. More than just an extra pair of hands, she has been such a wonderful and appreciated addition to the family. We call her the baby whisperer because when Daddy's antics and Mama's milk don't do the trick, Baba can magically calm an unhappy baby and put him to sleep.
It's amazing.
The house is clean, the children happy, and everyone is well-fed. But besides that, there is just something about her presence that makes you want to be a better person, that makes you feel cared for, that is comforting and warm. And it has made it easier to enjoy the little moments with the little people.

She leaves tomorrow an oh! we will miss her so. Thank you Baba for making these weeks seem easy and sweet. Thank you for making my little people so happy!

sleep assassins

That's what PapaQ calls these two little boys of ours. I like to call them "boobie terrorists."

We've been reading up on "colic" and cluster feedings and how to calm a fussy baby... colic is definitely alive and well in our household.

A recent conversation:

Friend: How are you holding up?
Me: Great! Fine!
Friend: Really?
Me: Sleep. I don't know... They cry. And breastfeed. All night long. Gas. Maybe?
Friend: You're having a hard time stringing together a sentence.
Me: Yesh...
Friend: From your blog it looks like everything is going so well.
Me: Optimist. Liar. Both?

They grow out of this stage, right? Right?

big sister

This week our little girl turned five years old. We have been watching with pride as she grows and matures (at an alarming pace!) into the most lovely little girl.
For five years now she has been the center of our lives and though she has always wanted siblings, we knew that when they finally came along it could be a delicate transition. To our relief and delight, Mayumi seems to be adjusting well; she is as enamored of her brothers as we are. We've tried to focus on her roll as a big sister, often talking about how much Benjamin and Corrigan love her and how good she is with them. Little gifts here and there don't seem to hurt, either; she loved getting a big sister t-shirt when she came to meet the boys for the first time in the hospital and she almost never removes the "big sister" medical bracelet that one of the nurses gave her. One of her birthday gifts was a darling "big sis" necklace from Baby's First Keepsake on Etsy. It's her first piece of "real" jewelry and she loves that too.
I suppose there will be bumps in the road ahead. Already I find it challenging to make time for her and I find myself losing patience all too easily. But then we make biscuits for strawberry shortcake, or we read an Amelia Bedelia story and laugh at her antics, or we cuddle in bed after I've nursed the the twins to sleep and I know that everything is going to be all right.

stroller pining

Now that twins are coming I realize that some of the baby products we have may to give way for new ones that accommodate two babies instead of one. Particularly our stroller.
We made do with a Baby Trend jogger gotten almost brand new off of Craig's List for $50. I coveted the Phil & Ted double strollers that everyone else in the neighborhood seemed to own, but it didn't make sense to shell out $500+ for a a fancy double stroller when we only had one child.
But now that there will be two boys who will need to get around the city for a few years (and a five year old who will undoubtedly want a ride too) I've begun the double stroller research again.
And you know what I've discovered? I still want a fancy schmancy one.
But which one?
Not that I want what everyone else has, but around here on Capitol Hill I've been noticing the Baby Jogger City Select tandem stroller. And I like what I see.
The downside is that, like the Phil & Ted, it too has a fancy schmancy price tag. Sigh.
Of course I've been making a list of reasons why we need to spend so much on a good stroller:
*as city dwellers we rely on walking a LOT. On the sidewalks, the Metro, museums, zoo... a stroller is like a second vehicle, except much cheaper
*because of small city spaces (Metro elevators and the like) it is necessary to have a tandem stroller (versus a side-by-side) and there are fewer options in that category that are well-designed and well-made and affordable at the same time
*with a good, sturdy stroller we would rely less on our car, thus saving money and the planet at the same time!
* it has gotten incredible reviews
*you get what you pay for, right?



What do you think? Be honest. Am I crazy and/or greedy? Or is this really a good investment?

the education plan

I started toying with the idea of "homeschooling" a few years ago when a good friend handed me a copy of John Taylor Gatto's Dumbing us Down and, indeed, creating an atmosphere of learning and exploration in our home as always been one of our priorities. But this is the first year I actually attempted to put together a plan. A real plan. You know, like a schedule. With a "curriculum". With just a few months until she turns five, I figured it was time to implement some kindergarten-type programming. And with the twins set to make their appearance in a month or two, I want to make sure I'm prepared now! So there has been a lot of time spent at the computer researching different methodologies (Charlotte Mason, Unschooling, Montessori, Classical etc.) and subject programs and one thing I've learned is that I still have a LOT to learn. There are many books about home education on my to-read list and many people on my to-consult-with list. Overwhelming for sure, but quite exciting.

I tend to over-compensate in my planning - aiming to be more ambitious than may be practical (you should see our travel itineraries!). But I thought I would share some of the things I've put together here, in hopes that either:
1. someone out there with more knowledge and experience can provide some input/opinions/suggestions about some my approaches and choices and
2. perhaps it will be helpful or even inspirational to someone out there who is beginning on this journey, like me.

So here it is:

Home Learning Checklist

Daily:

* Scripture & meditation

* Exercise

* Feed rabbit

* Letter writing

* Foreign Language activity

* Math worksheet

* Reading

* Music (piano/violin) practice

* Playtime

Weekly Checklist:

* Nature Walk

* Museum Visit

* Art Project

* Library Visit

* Tai Kwon Do class

* Ballet class

* Kind Act/ Service

* Book report

Resources

Math

Singapore Math Workbooks

Miquon Math All Six Student Workbooks and All Three Teacher's Guides

Life of Fred 4-Book Elementary Set # 1 : Apples, Butterflies, Cats, Dog

Living Math books

math games

Reading 

Literature of choice

Explode the Code (phonics) 2

Summer Bridge Reading 1-2

Spelling 

Bananagrams for Kids 

Grammar 

Grammar-Land (Yesterday's Classics)

Languages

Latin

Song School Latin (Student Book and CD) (English and Latin Edition)

Minimus Pupil's Book: Starting out in Latin. 

Japanese

Flashcards, music, Hiragana practice, Picture Dictionary, DVD

Writing

letter writing (daily)

blogging & journaling

book reports (weekly)

D'Nealian Handwriting workbooks

History  

Story of the World,Volume 1 with Activity Book

Science 

Handbook of Nature Study  

weekly nature walk 

occasional experiments and projects (1 per month)

Music 

piano & violin lessons

concerts

Art 

drawing class 

recommended list for grade 1 from Concordia University Chicago. 

Artist study and museum attendance (1 per month)

Physical Ed
weekly ballet class

weekly Home Do (tai kwon do)

daily outdoor play 

Religion

daily scripture study

When I look at it all, it can seem overwhelming, but I honestly think our daily and weekly schedule of activities is quite do-able. We been doing it for a few days now and find that we can generally complete our daily checklist in under an hour, not including exercise and playtime, which thankfully fills the majority of our day, along with cooking, crafting, gardening and the like. And Mayumi loves being able to check off the items on her list.

The list of resources are meant to be a guideline for me, not necessarily what we will cover entirely this year (but one can be hopeful, yes?). Many of the books we don't actually have on our possession just yet (we are still debating whether we need all those math programs right now and whether we even want to delve into Latin at all). But they are paths I want to research and possibly pursue. All the while keeping in mind that we may veer off course completely if Mayumi show an interest in something completely different. 

And there you have it. A plan. A structure, a framework, a bit of organization to our days. Phew!

twin paraphernalia

I don't have any strong opinions (I know... GASP!) about twins wearing match-matchy clothes or having dual sets of anything. Obviously, there are some things we will need two of: carseats are first to come to mind, as well as high chairs (we love the Stokke Tripp Trapp and just inherited a second one from friends Naomi and Josh! Thanks guys!). I have a good friends with identical twin girls and she insists that there be two of everything for her girls to reduce confusion and arguing. The girls have identical toys and wear identical clothing and I can completely understand how that is easier.
When people find out I'm having twins, one of the first things they ask (after appropriately gushing about how cool it is that I'm having twins and then inquiring whether or not they are identical or fraternal) is whether or not I'm going to dress them in matching outfits. I'm always a bit surprised by this, because frankly I don't really care if they dress alike. I'm more concerned about how I'm going to soothe and feed two crying babies at once and how we're going to afford college for three kids and if it is possible to practice Elimination Communication with twins and if I'll be able to handle homeschooling... oh my, there is so much to worry about, isn't there?
But when it comes to dressing them, I'll just be happy to have clean clothes that fit.
Not there aren't some cute (sometimes bordering on obnoxious) stuff for twins out there:

Source: etsy.com via Helene on Pinterest

Source: fab.com via Emily on Pinterest

Source: pinterest.com via Denise on Pinterest

my absolute favorite!!!

Goodness, companies sure know how to market to us mamas, don't they? Since our boys are fraternal it will be interesting to see how much they actually look alike. Will we end up with blonde, blue-eyed recessive babies (like Mayumi) or will they be darker? Will they be alike or like opposites? I suppose that somehow their clothes and toys will reflect that at some point. For now, I enjoy being amused by the stuff that is out there.
But for reals - do you have any opinions or suggestions about dressing and providing for twins? Matchy-matchy? Two sets of everything?

fourteen years ago

"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage".
~ Martin Luther ~

Happy Anniversary to my best friend and partner in life, my soul mate PapaQ. Fourteen years and counting! I wouldn't want to have done (nor could I have done) all this without you. Thank you for being my biggest support, my most honest critic, and the love of my life.  And even though we were practically babies, thank you for embarking on this journey with me FOURTEEN YEARS ago!

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. "

~Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

growing up

A while back Mayumi and I were browsing around the thrift store when we came upon some little lady black Mary Janes with a tiny bit of a heel. She was thrilled and begged to have them and since they were in excellent condition and only $4 I agreed. Later that evening, after she showed them off for her daddy, PapaQ let me know that he didn't approve at all - he thought that not only were they inappropriate for developing feet and bones, but they were too grown-up. I realized that I agreed and we watched, chagrined, as she pranced around in them, admiring her legs and relishing the the satisfying clippity-cloppety sound they make on the hard wood. 

A few weeks later she received another pair of heels, this time gold-strapped with plasticky-glass bobbles. Nana had recently painted Mayumi's toenails (another thing that is generally not allowed around here) and the combination of scarlet red toes and flashy strappy sandals remind me of something Granny would wear on a special night out. Grown-up indeed.

Ultimately, it is probably not a big deal that we indulged her despite the dangers. But parenting is made up of countless tiny decisions that cumulatively add up to where we stand morally, intellectually, and spiritually and kids pick up on the discrepancies and hypocrisies, don't they?
Why does Mama get to wear heels (though I hardly ever do because they are too uncomfortable!)?
Why does Daddy get to eat two cookies when I only had one?
Why could I have a treat yesterday but not today?
Why can I get away with whining and complaining sometimes but not all the time?

It is so hard to be consistent and fair and wise. It is hard being a parent! Mistakes are inevitable! Sometimes I find myself at a loss. Sometimes Mayumi argues me into a corner and I find I have no explanation. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is give in...

More than anything, I see that Mayumi isn't the only one with some growing up to do around here.

a poetic day

There was something brilliant and rather poetic about our outing the other day. It was unplanned. We had finished some chores in the house and I realized Mayumi could really use some focused Mama time. Some time where she could be in control and make the decisions. So I asked her what she wanted to do and she announced that she wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History.

So we did.

We took our time - for once we didn't have to rush in order to meet friends. It was just the two of us and we had no real agenda...

Everything is so much more beautiful when you take the time to really see it. We noticed things we'd never noticed before, despite having been here so many times.

And since it was a Monday afternoon, it wasn't very busy. We practically had the place to ourselves. Maya led the way through the great halls and exhibits. 

And when she had asked all her questions and had her fill, we headed back. And when she requested that we stop and ride the carousel, we did.

Her smile was the most beautiful and poetic part of the day.

A father's advice

On this Father's Day, we'd of course like to honor our dear wabisabi father. He's at a point in his life where he has some time to reflect and recently shared some sage advice about raising a child. While I don't always love unsolicited advice, I think his four kids turned out pretty darn good, so perhaps he's qualified to dole out some tips now and again. Here they are, in his very words:

Raising a child.  Nobody asked, but here are my suggestions for raising a child.

Limit entertainment. The trick here is to understand what entertainment is. Entertainment may include watching TV, playing video games, playing with toys, surfing the web, shopping, hanging out, attending or watching sporting events, going to the movies, texting, excessive use of cell phone, and probably a myriad of other future technological advances not even conceived yet. You may have your own additions to this list.  Although we all need a break, 20 hours of MTV a week is probably over the top.

Expose the child to a wide range of occupations. A main goal in life is to not outlive one’s assets. Assets are usually acquired by work. Exposing a child to a wide range of occupations (not just areas of interest) focuses a child’s interest on what she would like to do (and not do!). This is just as important for girls as it is for boys.  Take-your-child-to-work day is a good idea. Take-your-child-to-someone-else’s-work day is even better.

Instill a sense of awe for the outdoors. Take her fishing. Go hiking. Paddle a canoe down a river. Climb a mountain. Take a 3-day camping trip with only what you can carry on your back. Bike in the canyons. Kayak on a lake. Watch a whale breech. Take a picnic in the park. Sleep in a tent in the back yard. Plant a seed and watch it sprout. You get the idea. Start out small and work your way up to grander outings. Not only will this be fun, but also she will gain confidence in being able to take care of herself when not in the womb of civilization.

Read, read, read. Learning is the (ongoing) destination, and reading is the road. Read to her every day. Teach her to read as early as possible. Don’t wait for school to do it. Have her see you read. Show interest in what she’s reading. Choose reading material from and about other countries, ethnic groups, and civilizations. Read a book, watch the movie. Take her to the library frequently. Build your own in-house library.

Involve yourself with the child’s homework/education. Know her teacher(s) and express thanks. Correlate your teachings with what she’s learning in school. Show interest in her homework. Do not undermine homework time with competing TV. If she doesn’t have homework, consider your own supplements. Help her prepare for tests. Shadow help, but don’t do the work for her.

Exploit teaching moments. Someone died drinking and driving? Point that out. Someone lose his job through alcoholism? Point that out. Someone injured by not wearing a helmet? Point that out. A candidate exposed for padding his resume? Point that out. Classmates injured or kill not wearing a seatbelt? Point that out. An athlete becomes a champion by working hard? Point that out. Dad got a good job by graduating from college? Point that out. Life is tough; it’s really tough if one is stupid.

Surround yourself with good music. There are many genres: classical, jazz, rock, country, hip-hop, Broadway musicals, religious, even barbershopping! Have a wide selection to play out load during household chores or other appropriate times. Avoid music with explicit lyrics or messages that are immoral, demeaning, or otherwise not uplifting. Music is powerful. Make it a power for good.

Monitor her friends. Unfortunately, studies show that peer pressure can easily be more powerful than parents’ influence. Learn who her friends are. Get to know them. Invite them over for a cookout. Invite them along for a hike. Invite them to church! Steer her away from toxic personalities, especially of the opposite sex. No one-on-one dating until the age of 16 probably won’t do irreparable harm.

Attend church together. Do not send a child to church; take her to church. A child has a very sensitive hypocrite detector. Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do is a recipe for disaster. Church will usually have a reservoir of admirable peers and leaders. If not, consider another church.

Put the kid to work. This can start very early: picking up her room, helping mommy and daddy around the house and yard. Don’t expect her to instinctively know how to do things. Explicitly show her how to wipe the dishes, sweep the floor, clear the table, etc. Allow for mistakes if she does something wrong. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative reinforcement. Rewarding good behavior is a better strategy than punishing the lack of good behavior. Make sure chores are age appropriate (a child should not be mowing the lawn). Do not pay an allowance for normally accepted housework. This creates an attitude of entitlement. Pay (allowance or treats) for “extra” work. Do not tolerate tantrums, but avoid getting angry.

Reflections

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest;
Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
~Confucius

As a mother, I've found that my daughter can be quite an accurate reflection of myself. It warms my heart to see her play pretend with her dolls and bears, swaddling them in blankets, rocking them and nursing them. But other times, it makes me cringe a bit with guilt.

The other day was an example of this: Lucy threw her bear into her room, screamed, "No! Dop!! TIME OUT!!!" then she slammed the door shut and stomped away.

All I was thinking (besides what in the world did her bear do to deserve such punishment) was, "Do I sound like that?" Perhaps I should learn to be a little more gentle with Lucy's time outs.

Everyday play

Sometimes I wonder if I'm teaching my toddler daughter enough. Most days I feel like Olive and I do many of the same activities over and over again: read books, play at the park or build block towers, to name a few. Some of the activities don't even involve interaction with her, like when she's in the baby carrier on my back while I vacuum or dancing at my legs while I cook dinner.

To help me get more creative, I signed up for Productive Parenting emails that give me age-specific activities to do with my one-and-a-half-year old. I was a bit disappointed, but also relieved when I started receiving the activity recommendations--things like read a book, make a fort, put objects in a bucket--things I was already doing!

It helped me realize that children's activities don't have to be well thought out, formal or elaborate. They can be improvised and include exposing, explaining and allowing your child to have everyday experiences. They may include parent-child interaction, but also allow plenty of room for solo play. They allow your child to learn through doing.

Mama D, Mama Q and I saw this in action when we recently took our girls to a "discovery" museum, where they pretty much played in a kid-sized town for hours. Maya, Lucy and Olive were thrilled to play pretend, interact with or observe the other kids, and try new toys.

 

There really wasn't anything super fancy about the place--it was just a new setting with lots of objects for the girls to experience. For the most part, we mamas just sat back and watched, letting the girls' imaginations run wild. It was a good reminder that everyday play goes a long way and that it's simpler than many of us think to help our kiddos learn.