Sunday, May 29, 2011

Meditation: Ambiguity

I wanted a perfect ending.
Now I've learned, the hard way,
that some poems don't rhyme,
and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change,
...taking the moment and making the best of it,
without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.
~Gilda Radner

Do you ever find that the hardest part is simply NOT knowing? Through all of our fertility struggles I've always felt that I could bear anything with patience if I just knew what the outcome would be. If I had known it would take three rounds of IVF before we conceived Mayumi, I think I could have endured those horrible treatments with a little more grace. It always seemed to be the unknown... the fear that I may have to go through the process indefinitely, never knowing how the story ended, lost in IVF limbo. But then we got our little sweet pea and everything seemed worth it.

I am trying to remember that as we continue through this process yet again. I am trying to banish fear. I am trying to live with courage in the middle of the story and have faith that there will be a happy ending. Or at least some closure. And I am trying to remember to count my blessings and be grateful for what I do have - and try to find something to appreciate about this journey...

Mayumi's in Mama's belly, back in 2007. Keep fingers crossed that we get another one of these happy ultrasounds!


Pomegranategrl said...

Many prayers coming at you MamaQ!

Kendra said...

Fingers and toes crossed for you ...

Kayla said...

how exciting. we'll be praying for a little sibling for mayumi. love you guys!

Kim said...

Oh! I'm sending my positive vibes your way! Yes, carrying on, not knowing how things will work out is hard work. There's that saying about "it's about the journey,not the destination" and this might be annoying of me to bring up in regards to trying to have a baby....but, I've found it holds true in so many life situations.

Sending hugs and fertile thoughts to you!