Thursday, April 15, 2010

3 Things: MamaQ's Fears

Confession: I got all sorts of queasy when I saw MamaM's subjct for her three things. I struggle daily with my fears. I am sometimes paralyzed by them. A good friend once told me that I should never make decisons out of fear (as I am prone to do) but out of love, and that has been a sort of mantra for me for the past few years. So I'm putting myself in a vulnerable place here, sharing with you these deep-rooted fears that I should really be working out in therapy!

1. FAILURE: I have this (somewhat ridiculous and unattainable) vision of what I think my life ought to be like and the kind of person I ought to be. I'm constantly striving to find the balance between having high standards and being reasonable and compassionate with myself and my shortcomings. But I am definitey scared of failing as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, as a human being, and fear is such a soul-sucking, crippling thing. It doesn't help me be the person I want to be!

2. Tempting Fate: Despite my irrational fear of failure I have found a lot of peace and happiness. But somewhere within me there is always this niggling fear that I am tempting the Fates. Once They realize how good my life is, they will swoop in and take it all away. So, you can see that I am afraid of losing what I have.

3. Drowning: I've always been a bit scared of water. I've never been a good swimmer, partly because it freaks me out to have my face underwater. But you will be proud to know that I have been combatting this fear by swimming regularly. Most Saturday mornings you'll find us at the local indoor pool swimming laps. I can only do a 600 right now, but that is a VAST improvement from when I stared about a year ago!

I am a big fat scaredy cat, but I'm working on it.

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